I’ve been selfish
I’ve been going through some things, and because my emotions have gotten the best of me, I wasn’t holding up my end of the bargain with God. The bargain was to have permission in utilizing the gift within me to encourage YOU. Since I’ve been back in NYC, I’ve faced some challenges. I took me coming back HOME as a leap of faith. But as soon as the going got tough, I stopped praying, I stopped wringing. J cried, I complained, I even went as far as questioning , was it because of my own sins.
I was Believing God for the transition I made from being away. I grew spiritually, became more humble, not completely changed, but a better person. I still have some old habits I have to get over, but who doesn’t. Anyway, today I was able to get myself out of the emotional neck of the woods. I woke up super charged. I fib, slightly woke up super charged.
Still with pain in my heart, and tears here and there, my current mood is “get ish done!”. Like JASZ, i don’t care what happened, get things done, don’t LOSE SIGHT! I don’t know why some things have happened recently, but I have to believe God for them. I have to trust him for it. Nobody has my back more then HE. And when I say that, that doesn’t discredit those that are in my corner. From my family, to My FF’s “family friends”. Those people were placed there by God. So yes, God has my back, because he knows who belongs and who doesn’t.
I lost some things and some people recently, but gained more all in the same. Some people I didn’t want to let Go of, but I did, had to. It still hurts because I miss that/those individual(s).
Some things were taken from me, that I held onto, but it was “A” season. Through the rough times, my boys still kiss me and say I love you. Through rough times, I get a text, or Call saying, Jasz I just prayed for you, or Jasz everything will be ok. That’s LOVE. You see LOVE covers all. It overpowers all. I am still learning LOVE. There is so much more than what I presently experience. I know that HE loves me a ton. Because he sends me daily reminders even when I am being STUBBORN, that no matter how rough things are right now, Jasmine, I love you my daughter.
So to whomever is presently reading this, whatever your present storm is, if you can find an inkling / pinch of belief, trust, faith in God. Trust him. Trust him that things are happening for a greater change, a better you. And even if you don’t think so, someone is looking up to you.
The Only Love I know to Give, my kind of love. Jasz. #selfish #humble #howisinglemomit